The Anxious Girls Guide to Planning a Wedding: Part 1
When you get engaged, people finally stop asking when you’re getting engaged. Which is amazing because that question is annoying. But they start asking questions about your wedding. And I get it. Wedding planning is fascinating. I have followed wedding planners on Instagram, stalked wedding related blogs, and had have had a wedding Pinterest board for as long as I can remember.
There is just something magical about this life event that really captures our attention. It’s the magpie effect. We are drawn to the glitz and glam of it all. And trust me, I’m exciting but being chronically anxious has made wedding planning a little bit challenging.
I want to enjoy this process, as I only get to do it once…theoretically. I would say Thomas and I are about half-way through planning and so far, no major hiccups. However, there have been a few moments where I really wanted to forget the whole thing and go to city hall. Going to city hall is a totally valid and beautiful way to do it but for me, I know deep down, I want to have a big party with all my family and friends. Because I no longer live in the state I grew up or went to college in, there are a lot of people whom I love deeply but don’t get to see very often. Going the traditional reception route made sense for us so that we could gather our loved ones for one big event.
So, how am I managing it? Here are my tips for low-stress wedding planning
Have open, honest discussions with your partner early and often. Within a week of being engaged, Thomas and I had nailed down a budget, how we planned to save for that number, and an approximate number of guests. We also talked about the kind of feel we wanted for our wedding. Starting here is important to keep you and your partner on the same page. We check in with our saving goal, details that need to be nailed down, and issues that have popped up. Communication is key.
Start early. Within a month of getting engaged, Thomas and I had a venue picked out and a deposit placed. For me, starting this early was key. Because of COVID, so many couples put off weddings which means that market is more competitive than ever. I knew I wanted to have my venue nailed down as soon as possible. Figure out what is the most important thing for you - a specific date, a specific place, a specific caterer…whatever it is, get it done first.
Be flexible. Going with the flow is not my superpower. I am basically the opposite of easy going. Anxiety does that to you and I accept that about myself. I went into wedding planning knowing that I would need to bend on a few things because the world does not revolve around me. I have to remind myself often that I’m going to have an amazing day and getting caught up in minor details is just going to make me sad. So, be prepared to let a few things go and focus on the big picture - marrying your best friend!
Set aside wedding planning time. Early on, I started feeling overwhelmed by the endless sea of options. From venues, to DJs, to dresses, to flowers…the possibilities are infinite and that can make it really hard to focus in on your to-do list. Pick a day and time each week to focus on wedding planning. Set a timer and get to it. I have a master to-do list and I chip away at it weekly. When I’m done, I’m done.
Lose the FOMO. Once you make a decision about something, like your venue, let it go. There will always be a “better” venue that you stumble across on Instagram or a wedding website but trust yourself and the decisions you have already made. The fear of missing out will only add to your anxiety. I have stopped looking at wedding dresses because I already picked out the most beautiful dress I can imagine and continuing to look just made me feel confused. Let it go. You made a decision and it is on to the next thing. Don’t look back.
Delegate. Letting go of control is very difficult for me but I cannot plan this thing on my own. When my mom offered to plan my rehearsal dinner, I was a bit hesitant but that is a huge task taken off my plate. I trust her. I know it’s going to be awesome because it is going to be time spent with the bridal party and our immediate family. And Thomas…that beautiful man. When a hotel told me they had no suites available to book for our wedding weekend, he got on the phone with them and magically, a suite opened up. He just has. a way with people that I do not possess. So, a lot of the contract and booking tasks have been left to him.
Stick to one app. There are a ton of wedding apps out there but like all social media, and that is exactly what they are, they are a total time suck. Pick one app and forget the rest. I promise, it is all the same information. I have been enjoying Wedding Wire but there are so many options.
Keep it simple. It is so tempting to go all out for this day. Why just rent a tent when you can rent a tent and custom lighting? Why stick to a just a DJ when you can get ceremony musicians too? Be real with yourself about what is important. If it’s not that important, don’t include it in your big day. Conversely, think about some of the elements that you can source out rather than DIY. If you have your heart set on a photo booth, it may be more worth your while to hire one rather than try to make props and coordinate who is going to be in charge of the camera and photos at the end of the night.
Ignore unsolicited advice. If your friend had the most kickass bartender on their big day, go ahead and ask who they used. If your auntie is raining on your parade when you announce your decision to do a destination wedding, you can tell her to, politely, bug off. Arm yourself with a phrase like “I appreciate that but we aren’t looking for input on our wedding day right now.” If you really need to talk something out, turn to your partner. It’s their day, too!
Go with your gut. In my experience, anxious girls have great instinct but have trouble listening to that gut feeling for fear of disappoint others. When something rings true with you, go with it. When something feels totally wrong, don’t push that feeling aside. This can be really hard but focus in on those “hell yes” or “hell no” feelings you get. Start with the little details and gain confidence in listening to your inner voice.
What are your best tips for keeping wedding planning low-stress? Please share below.
Oh, and if you are loving this silly shot from our engagement shoot and you are in Maine, head over to my friend Susie Lee Photography to book a session!
