Getting Real About Depression and Anxiety in Quarantine
Even though there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel here in Maine, with official stay-at-home orders ending May 31st, I am still having a hard time here in quarantine/isolation/lockdown - whatever you want to call it.
I felt pretty darn good at the beginning of this all. I was going to work, albeit on a shortened, modified schedule. I was DEEP cleaning my house. I was Zooming with friends. I was making bread and biscuits from scratch. I was “going” to church with Hillsong every Sunday. I was journaling.
And then things changed. I’m not exactly sure when or what caused the change but I snapped. My will to make turn these circumstances into an opportunity to change things in my life that I wasn’t particularly happy with before dwindled. The thrill of Zoom calls turned into dread because nothing can replace being in the same room as your best gal pals. Baking seemed like chore. I found myself easily distracted during church. Journaling felt like a pointless exercise.
These changes came on slowly and I hardly even noticed a difference. I was staying in bed all day and letting dishes and laundry and dust pile up. I stopped exercising. I stopped getting dressed on days I wasn’t going to work. I started having panic attacks when I left the house, especially in the grocery store. I cried over episodes of Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist. I sought out and watched sad videos on YouTube.
I was slipping into depression.
Depression is an old friend of mine. I’ve talked about my long journey with mental and emotional health here before. But this was different…this was different because every other time I’ve suffered a bout of depression I was in school or working full-time. I had obligations and I had to leave the house on a near daily basis. I had to get up, shower, get dressed, and go out into the world.
For the first time in my life, I lacked a reason to perform even the most basic functions of self-care.
And ya know what? I struggle with self-esteem and therefore struggle seeing the WORTH in taking care of myself. Yup, I’ll admit it. Sometimes, I do not believe that I deserve to look or feel good. So, why would I bother?
I think you can see where this is going. To a dark and sad place. BUT, when I recognize it and I accept it, I gain power over these feelings. And I can change them.
And if I can change these feelings, so can’t you! I’m going to walk you through what I’m doing to get me through this difficult time. And of course, some tips on how you can turn things around for yourself.
Make an appointment with a therapist. I do Cognative Behavioral Therapy with a licensed social worker. I’ve been in some type of talk-therapy since I was 15 years old - when I first started experiencing symptoms of endometriosis and severe anxiety. My social worker is doing Telehealth appointments through Doxy.Me. There are tons of apps out there if you don’t already have a relationship with a mental health professional - like TalkSpace and BetterHelp. If you have never tried therapy, why not now? You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Therapy is my safe place. I can say anything. And sometimes you really just need to say that scary thing out loud to a real person to take it’s power over you away. It’s the most freeing thing. And I recommend it to EVERYONE. We all have things to say and deserve a place to say it.Tell someone you know. I told my friends that I had been struggling. They commiserated and listened. We’re all going through it right now. Why go through it alone? It’s hard to feel like we’re burdening our loved ones with our problems but you’re not a burden. And you might find that you are far less alone than you ever imagined.
When things are really bad, I call my mom. Because my mom is magical and somehow she always makes things better.
Take a serious shower. Taking a shower can be an incredibly renewing experience. Try visualizing all the bad thoughts and feelings running down the drain. Try singing along to an upbeat play list. Try a shower beer (as long as you and alcohol have a healthy relationship right now). Get deep down in it. Put on a face mask. Pull out your cleansing shampoo and a deep conditioning mask. Grab some sugar scrub and get your exfoliation on. Shave everything below the eyebrows. Stay in there until the water run cold and your fingers turn to raisins. Exit a cleaner, softer version of you. It’s amazing what some suds can do for your soul.
Do some no judgement journaling. Have I talked your ear off about journaling yet? It is seriously something that changed the game for me. I was NOT a “Dear Diary” kid but now, I’m into it. I have posted my favorite, simple journaling template here. I write with no judgement until I feel done. I hardly ever read it back. It’s not about preserving a memory. It’s about getting it the heck off my chest so I don’t have to carry it around anymore.
Take a freaking break. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE PRODUCTIVE DURING A GLOBAL PANDEMIC. You do not need to learn a new skill or lose weight or become a better person right now. You are already enough.
Repeat that for me. YOU ARE ALREADY ENOUGH.
Stop putting pressure on yourself to be productive when the world has gone to Hell in a handbasket and you can’t see you friends or family and you’re stressed about money and you’re just plain sick of being inside all the time. Just sit and relax with quiet music and a candle. Do some mediation or yoga. Give yourself a little grace. Because what’s going on is not your fault and it’s not in your control.Talk to your primary care provider. If things feel bad, give your doctor a call. You don’t have to do this alone. So, talk about some options that are right for you. Work out a plan with your provider and follow it.
Go for a walk. Fresh air been hard to come by lately because Maine has fluctuated between 65 and sunny and snowing in the last week. When the weather allows it, I make a point to get outside. Even if it’s only a 20 minute walk. While I' would normally use my walking time as a chance to catch up on podcasts, lately I’ve just been listening to the sounds of the world. It’s been a nice change.
Eat something green. Boy have I ever let myself go buck wild with the junk food lately. And that’s cool. These things happen but when I’m feeling particularly vulnerable, I make a point to go for something more nourishing, even when I don’t fee like it. A salad is never going to taste as good as Hot Cheetos but I feel better when I eat something with nutrients.
Get ready head to toe. I’m not going anywhere either but I am trying to get ready from head to toe a few times a week to help me feel a bit more normal. Putting makeup on makes me happy so it doesn’t really matter if I’m going out or not. Feeling less like a sloth is always a good idea.
Do some social social-distancing. Social distancing seems to be flattening the curve. And we have seen from other countries that it is effective but social distancing doesn’t mean you have to be completely isolated from everyone you know and love. Get out your measuring tape and plan a social distancing picnic in a park or your own yard! Visit someone through a pane of glass. Work with in your city’s guidelines to practice safe visiting!
We all know that this situation is temporary but without a crystal ball we don’t know exactly when it will end. Maybe soon. Maybe not until fall. Maybe not until next year. The not knowing is scary. The not knowing is anxiety producing and isolating.
Don’t wait until the world comes back to take care of yourself. Take care of yourself now because we don’t know what tomorrow will bring.
