Being a Badass Single Chick

With Valentine’s Day just a few days away, you may be feeling a little less than thrilled. Although the holiday is rooted in the historical events of St. Valentine’s incarceration and execution, many have come to believe that it is simply a “greeting card holiday” - exploited to sell gifts. To an extent, it is true.

The first ever Valentine was sent by Valentinus to his pupil, Julia, shortly before he was executed on February 14th 270 AD. His “Valentine” note was not an expression of romantic love but one of devotion and affection for his dear friend. 

Nowadays, Valentine’s Day is most commonly celebrated as an expression of romantic love. And if you don’t have a reciprocal romantic love interest, that can feel pretty isolating. It can be a painful reminder of a failed or struggling relationship, an unrequited love, or a lack of romantic partnership altogether. 

And I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “This bitch is in a relationship. What does she know about how I feel?” 

Yes, I am in a relationship but I have also been single before. Prior to meeting Thomas I was single for 3 years. And I spent 3 Valentine’s Days alone. And now that I am in a relationship, that doesn’t mean the challenges magically disappear. 

Valentine’s Day is still a reminder to me that while “In a Relationship” on Facebook, I am single in the eyes of the law. I’ve already talked about owning my timeline and how to politely tell people to fuck off when they ask stupid questions like “are you expecting a ring this Valentine’s Day?” You can read that here. 

It’s like Noah’s Ark. Our society is built around the idea that we belong in pairs. And when we don’t conform to those ideas, we feel like outcasts. We aren’t allowed the ark if we don’t fall in line and match up. 

In the story of Noah, those left off the ark drown in the flood. But we aren’t living in biblical times. If you aren’t on the ark, you can still hang out on dry land. You won’t drown in the ocean of God’s fury. 

The trick is to embrace your singleness and allow self-love to become your life raft.

The idiom “the old ball and chain” is a ubiquitous term used to refer to someone’s spouse for a reason. Being single provides a certain freedom that doesn’t exist in most relationships. So, instead of sulking about your singleness this Valentine’s Day, I want you to own it. 

Put yourself out there. 

Instead of spending the evening swiping on Tinder and wondering just how much lower your standards can go, try an app that will help you engage with people that have similar interests to you. 

I have used both BumbleBFF and MeetUp to connect with people in my city who like the same stuff I do. Find a weeknight social tango or a kickball league. Join a book club or volunteer at an animal shelter. 

Use resources like your favorite radio station, your city’s website, and even the library to identify events or groups that interest you. 

Get Comfortable Going Alone

It is not easy to go alone to places you’d normally go with others - like movies, concerts, and restaurants. But I encourage you to give it a try. If it seems scary, start small - hang out in a coffee shop, go to a midday movie. You’ll get the hang of it.

And for goodness sake, do not use your smartphone as a crutch. Bring a book - a physical, paper book (it’s a great convo starter!). If you can’t bring yourself to strike up a conversation with someone, at least be open to engagement should some approach you.

One of the best things I’ve ever done was to travel alone. I truly enjoyed the experience of going where I wanted to go and doing the things I wanted to do. Traveling alone does not have to be scary! It’s actually empowering has heck!

Gather the Tribe 

Even though it always feels like you are the ONLY single one in your friend group, I have a feeling that’s not 100% true. I bet you have a friend or two who are single, too! Maybe you don’t seem them as much because they are out there living it up instead of sulking over the fact that they weren’t invited to a couple’s only game night. 

Or maybe you have a friend who is in a relationship but love’s a good old-fashioned girl’s night. 

Reach out and make plans. Because all relationships, especially friendships, take two to tango. Put in the effort and reap the reward. 

Get Help

If being single is holding you back and preventing you from living your best life, maybe it’s time to seek professional help. There is no shame in it. A professional therapist or counselor can help you dig down deep into those feelings of inadequacy and help you find ways to be confident in yourself exactly as you are. 

After all, it’s true what they say - you can’t love someone else until you love yourself. 

Tell me how you’re going to practice self-love this Valentine’s Day in the comments below.